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Don't Miss It!

During The Pajama Party Panel at Woman Evolve 2018, there was a moment when we all shared things that we’d like to receive prayer over. My initial unpremeditated answer was: rest.

Five days later I can hear the sound of the ocean wrestling with the shore, my husband’s fingertips trace the inside of my wrist, and my mind is flooded with thoughts about making the content available to those who are asking, learning from 2018, and session topics for 2019. I’m standing in one moment, but thinking about a moment a year from now.

<insert prayer request…>

I asked for prayers regarding rest from my sisters because I was afraid that I would become so consumed with next that I miss now. That’s a pattern I have that I must become intentional about breaking. I’m always looking, learning, and planning ahead, but the truth is that forward robs me of now. I wonder how many of us are so consumed with what we will conquer next that we don’t take time to appreciate what we’ve overcome now!

I just turned 30 years old, and I was waiting to have this moment of liberation and confidence.  It took day 3 of vacation for me to feel something similar to it and it wasn’t because it just hit me out of nowhere. It came because I finally released myself to stop obsessing over next and take in now. Next will always be waiting for you, but if you aren’t careful, you will miss the treasures buried in now. I realized that greater than rest what I want is the commitment to not lose what exists in moments of stillness. 

I don’t want to miss it…

I don’t want to miss the way my husband studies my face when I’m not paying attention. I don’t want to miss the sun setting after a long day of providing warmth. I don’t want to miss that God has answered and exceeded my prayers. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to have gratitude for knowing and living out my purpose at such a young age. I don’t want to miss that the stretch marks that make me cringe came from the gift of carrying life within me. I don’t want to miss that God has blessed me with friends who’ve become family who create an environment for my children to enjoy so that I can get away.

What are you missing that you don’t have to? I’m praying that God will allow me to evolve in the knowledge of life patience. I have people patience. I will listen to your story for as long as it takes you to get it out,  but I seem to rush through life. I believe life has more to tell me than any person around me. Life will show me how much I’ve grown and become. Life will tell me that God has heard me. Life will reveal that I’m not here on my own. God knows I don’t want to miss life’s whispers because I’m thinking about my own plan.

Sending you love and prayers that we can collectively take a moment in the busyness of our plans and day to simply not miss how far we’ve come, the glorious things God has done, and the creativity in now that will produce a better next.

Here I Am

Every time I close my eyes I hear the voice of change. It haunts me until sleep takes over, but it’s waiting for me the moment I open my eyes. I try to drown it with laughter. I even attempt to crowd it with the thoughts and opinions of other people, butno matter what I do the baseline of change plays deep in my soul. I know I should confront it, but it’s easier to ignore it than admit that I’m not sure I have what it takes to change my life.

 

What if I can’t do it well? What if it’s harder than I expected and I fail? What if I open myself up for disappointment again? The voice of change has been doing a slow dance with my  fears and anxieties since before I can remember. They try to convince me that I must know the outcome before I even take the first step. It makes me feel like I can’t handle what comes next. I’m not at a crossroad. I’m at the end of one road that only intersects with a one-way street. My only options are to go back to who I was, stay where I am, or risk the unknown.

 

Have you ever wanted to just snap your fingers and be over a hurdle? Sometimes I wish that God would make my mountain easier to climb. I wish that He would give me the strength I see in others. Before I can let that thought fully live in my mind, I remind myself that God won't just give me the power that someone else possesses because I may not be able to handle the weakness that comes along with it. No, instead he places me in situations where I have to prove to myself what He's known all along: I’ve got what it takes. He makes me dig deep within and face my fears so that when I finally taste the victory of overcoming I won’t forget the preparation it took to get there.

 

Some of you have been waiting for God to reveal how you’re supposed to move, this particular blog post is not for you. This post is for the person who has known what God wants from them for a very long time, but they’ve been afraid to move. I’m serving you notice that there’s no way around it.

 

Your happiness and wholeness depends on this move. God gave you grace on credit because he wanted to increase your faith. You graduated that test, but now you’re going to have to do the work of stretching your faith by stepping into obedience. Yes, I said the “O” word. Obedience is the word that makes every rebel shudder. To procrastinate your surrender is to protest what God wants to do in your life. He will not force you to move. This next step of faith will require you to know the difference between being a slave and a servant.  

 

A slave is stripped of their will and forced to perform tasks. A servant sees the value in being connected to the master and is willing to do whatever is asked. Does that mean that servants don’t have hard days? No! Does it mean that servants get everything right? Absolutely not! But it does mean that they never quit trying because they value what the master gives in return. God won't make you a slave when others are willing to be true servants. 

 

 You’re not just going to wake up one day and have your life together. No, it’s going to take every ounce of willpower you can muster. There will be pleasant distractions that pacify your stagnancy, but they will only be temporary. You will have to force yourself to have unprecedented discipline, or you will find yourself stuck. You weren’t meant to go to bed questioning your life every night. You’re supposed to rest confidently because you know regardless of what the day holds you know you’re in God’s will. There are benefits reserved for those who are able to make the tough decisions that lead to destiny. Those benefits promise that your discipline and decision to be obedient is not just seen, but rewarded.

 

So this message is for you my friend….I can’t tell you how much time you’ll be given on this earth. I just know that you’ve got to make each moment count. The change you’ve been hoping will happen in your life will not come instantly, change this monumental occurs each second of everyday. It’s in how you choose to handle your heart. It’s in whom you choose to handle your insecurities. It’s in how you honor your body. It’s in how you treat others. 

If you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s time to start pulling your heart back. If you’re downplaying your intellect and wisdom to be accepted you’re going to have to find your voice. If you spend too much, you'll have to cut back. If you devalue the treasure of your heart, body, and soul for attention, no one will ever fully understand your worth. 

This kind of change will shake up your world. That shaking will be scary at first, but then you will realize God is only shaking off mindsets, relationships, and opportunities that you should have never clung to in the first place.

 

 

Dear God,

 

Help me to undergo the soul surgery that will change my life. Help me to uncover dimensions of myself I never knew existed. Show me who I really am not who I’m comfortable being. Take me out of my comfort zone, but lead me with Your voice and protect me with Your hand. I want to go deeper with you even if it means I have to cut some things loose. I know that I’ve postponed this moment for reasons I can’t fully express, but I’m finally saying, “here I am.”

 

Signed,

Welcoming Change  

 

 

 

 

 

**This blog was inspired by my desire to eat a cookie. Keep praying...the fat fight continues! (6 pounds down, Thanksgiving this week.)

 

Friends Again?

I started this blog in the middle of what would become a defining moment in my life. I had no idea how many lives God would allow my story to touch or the platforms He would allow for me to grace. Initially, I had no pressure to be anything other than who I am. All I took on any stage was my truth and the divine belief that my destiny was more important than my past. Who could have known that my life would take such a drastic change? I sure didn’t!

It all began in 2011. Since then so much of my life has evolved. I wanted to update my blog to keep you in the loop, but I thought my first post after being away had to be….like…revolutionary! I forgot that in the initial stages what made this blog my baby was that there was no pressure, just truth. I didn’t care about the grammar police (see previous posts as evidence) or the idea of gossip blogs writing about what I shared. This blog was never about you thinking I had it more together than I do or that you’ve got more work to do than any of the rest of us. This was the place where we could gather around our screens and feel the warmth that comes with knowing we aren’t alone.

I plan to start writing and chronicling my story through this blog again. I can’t promise that it will always be inspirational, spiritual, prophetic, comical, powerful, or revolutionary, but I hope all of those things will be sprinkled in it. What I can promise is that it will be authentic. It will be as honest as my courage and vulnerability will allow me to be. Prayerfully it will be a mirror of some part of your soul that you’re struggling to embrace.  

So with that being said….

Chile… I’m fat…I’m not even joking. And, no…this isn’t me writing so that you can fill my comments with a mountain of excuses. Yes, I know I had a baby 8 months ago. Yes, I know that in some states I would just be considered thick.  I do love my body, which is why I can’t continue to satisfy every single craving I have.  But trust me when I say….Ya girl is out here packing on those pounds. I won’t even get into the guilty pleasures that have become my norm or the lengths at which I go to hide my sugary, processed treats from my crumb snatching children. Just trust me when I say I can’t continue eating the way I have. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s like every sorry ex I’ve ever had. You know they aren’t good for you. In the back of your mind you know that things will not end well, yet you just can’t seem to walk away. When I’m happy, it’s time for cake. When I’m sad, I need a cookie. When I don’t know exactly how I feel, I snack until I figure it out.

Sometime between when I started this blog and now I lost fifty pounds. I’m not saying that I’ve gained that weight back, but I am saying that it’s not as lost as I once thought it was…. I convinced myself that losing weight and changing my eating habits was less about knowing what to do and more about having a reason to do it. I thought that my motivation would center around an event or important moment, but I realize that is not true because those moments have come and gone.

It’s ultimately about inner dominion. My husband has been preaching a series about the gears of destiny. One of the gears is self-control. He does a much better job at explaining it than I do, but it convicted me. How can we ask God to do more with our life when we don’t fully master what is within our control? I can remember the first time I lost weight I felt like I spent more time hating my body than it took me to actually change it. All it took was a little bit of discipline. So, as I prepare to hop back on the vegetable, exercise, no fried food, no bread, no sugar, no processed food, no fun train I wanted to drop you a line.

 

There may be something in your life that seems like it has control of you, but the reality is you’ve forgotten how much power is within you. You have become so comfortable in the rhythm your pattern has created that you’ve failed to fully maximize your potential. No one you admire got there by staying on cruise control. They made a decision to kick into another gear. They chose to not be confined by excuses when they could take control.

 I want to ask you to join me on a journey.

Join me as I begin to tap into another dimension of my identity. At times the journey may challenge you to break out of your comfort zone. It may even force you to walk away from relationships or environments that affirm (but don’t heal) your insecurities. Over the next few weeks/months/years I want to share my process with you. At times it may be identical to yours, other times it may just be a cautionary tale. Either way, I’m here because I want to turn my life into a lesson that helps you master what God has for you.

So.... sit back, relax, put the cookie down, and let’s get ready to be friends again.