Find My Way

Originally published on 11/25/2013

Can I be honest? I think I’m addicted to my cell phone. I blame you. Yes, you! I started this blog during one of the most painful times in my life. My friend, Tiffani (girl can you believe this?), suggested I start this blog as an outlet to vent. I wrote through tears as I took my pain and put it into words. In my bed, propped up by pillows, I let my pain step into your shoes. At the time I was too afraid to tell my full story. I was afraid of exposing my wounds before they had fully healed. I had to get the pain out though.

I was suffocating and I needed to breathe. 

I posted the blogs because I wanted to know if anyone else ever felt the same way. I needed to know I wasn’t alone. One by one my words were echoed in the hearts of people I’d never met. They understood what it was like to have regret, shame, and fear constantly whispering into your future. I wasn’t looking for a book deal. I was looking for a reflection of myself in your heart.

And it came.

The comments, the love, the tweets, the strength, the likes, and the courage all poured in. I looked at my phone constantly overwhelmed by the pieces of me floating in the world. I ended each blog with the words I needed to hear and the prayers I whispered in His ear. The strangest thing happened with each post.

I felt normal.

 I started to believe that I had it all wrong. For many years I strived to achieve my idea of normal, but the more successful I was at getting it the lonelier I felt. I didn’t want to admit that I had everything I wanted and three times as many things that were breaking me down. I was holding on to my will so tight that I forgot to hold on to God. There was one time when I could feel His presence the most and that was on this site. I poured my heart and hopes into this blog and then I challenged myself. I wanted to prove that we could become better even though we had enough pain to stay bitter. 

Your life stitched the aching of my broken heart and dared me to be whole.

So it’s your fault I’m addicted to my phone (I kid, I kid.), but I read every comment on every page and every post because I love knowing that we’re growing together. I find myself carrying my phone around constantly. So I’m implementing time limits and creating accountability partners to help me through this. The hard part is how handy our phones have become.

My grocery list, photo albums, schedule, account information, emails, music, the list goes on and on are all in that device.  I pick up the phone for one thing and end up doing a thousand others.

You cannot allow anything to have excessive access to your life without denying access to something else.

Therefore I’m also challenging myself to only pick up my phone to complete the task at hand and then put it down.  I’m always asking the people in my life, “What did you say?” I don’t want to look up one day and realize that everyone stopped talking because they didn’t think I was listening anyway. Before I pick up the phone I remind myself that though my phone has many functions I am only picking it up at that time for one purpose. 

What if we dared to live our lives in the same way?

God, please show us the functions you’ve placed inside of us and give us the wisdom to not abuse that knowledge. Just because we can do it doesn’t mean we should. I don’t want to be so overwhelmed with the options that I miss out on fulfilling my ultimate purpose.

We place more weight on ourselves than God requires of us and then demand in prayer that He helps us balance it. Or worse, we let the response of people become more important than our purpose. We have to reply to the text message immediately or someone’s feelings will be hurt. The office can’t wait for the email. Before you know it you’re checking out at Target and you forgot to check the account. 

Wasn’t that why you broke out the phone in the first place?

Just because it serves a purpose doesn’t mean it time for you to dine. There is a time and place for everything.  Steve Jobs was a genius, but imagine all the different functions God placed inside of you. It’s confusing, huh? You could do this or you could do that. Oh, and don’t forget about that other thing. You wear many hats, but you only have one head. Be careful that you aren’t tapped into so many things that you forget what’s most important. Don’t let your purpose get lost in the shuffle.

I need a nudge of direction. Please help remind me of Your purpose for my life. I see so many opportunities for growth in front of me. I don’t want to do something that helps someone else, but fails at maximizing the purpose You have for me. I have the faith to stand by Your word, but life gets confusing when we see good down every avenue. Everyone talks about having faith to fight the bad things in our life. Give me the audacity to turn away from good opportunities that aren’t ultimately going to better me for You.