I started this blog in the middle of what would become a defining moment in my life. I had no idea how many lives God would allow my story to touch or the platforms He would allow for me to grace. Initially, I had no pressure to be anything other than who I am. All I took on any stage was my truth and the divine belief that my destiny was more important than my past. Who could have known that my life would take such a drastic change? I sure didn’t!
It all began in 2011. Since then so much of my life has evolved. I wanted to update my blog to keep you in the loop, but I thought my first post after being away had to be….like…revolutionary! I forgot that in the initial stages what made this blog my baby was that there was no pressure, just truth. I didn’t care about the grammar police (see previous posts as evidence) or the idea of gossip blogs writing about what I shared. This blog was never about you thinking I had it more together than I do or that you’ve got more work to do than any of the rest of us. This was the place where we could gather around our screens and feel the warmth that comes with knowing we aren’t alone.
I plan to start writing and chronicling my story through this blog again. I can’t promise that it will always be inspirational, spiritual, prophetic, comical, powerful, or revolutionary, but I hope all of those things will be sprinkled in it. What I can promise is that it will be authentic. It will be as honest as my courage and vulnerability will allow me to be. Prayerfully it will be a mirror of some part of your soul that you’re struggling to embrace.
So with that being said….
Chile… I’m fat…I’m not even joking. And, no…this isn’t me writing so that you can fill my comments with a mountain of excuses. Yes, I know I had a baby 8 months ago. Yes, I know that in some states I would just be considered thick. I do love my body, which is why I can’t continue to satisfy every single craving I have. But trust me when I say….Ya girl is out here packing on those pounds. I won’t even get into the guilty pleasures that have become my norm or the lengths at which I go to hide my sugary, processed treats from my crumb snatching children. Just trust me when I say I can’t continue eating the way I have. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s like every sorry ex I’ve ever had. You know they aren’t good for you. In the back of your mind you know that things will not end well, yet you just can’t seem to walk away. When I’m happy, it’s time for cake. When I’m sad, I need a cookie. When I don’t know exactly how I feel, I snack until I figure it out.
Sometime between when I started this blog and now I lost fifty pounds. I’m not saying that I’ve gained that weight back, but I am saying that it’s not as lost as I once thought it was…. I convinced myself that losing weight and changing my eating habits was less about knowing what to do and more about having a reason to do it. I thought that my motivation would center around an event or important moment, but I realize that is not true because those moments have come and gone.
It’s ultimately about inner dominion. My husband has been preaching a series about the gears of destiny. One of the gears is self-control. He does a much better job at explaining it than I do, but it convicted me. How can we ask God to do more with our life when we don’t fully master what is within our control? I can remember the first time I lost weight I felt like I spent more time hating my body than it took me to actually change it. All it took was a little bit of discipline. So, as I prepare to hop back on the vegetable, exercise, no fried food, no bread, no sugar, no processed food, no fun train I wanted to drop you a line.
There may be something in your life that seems like it has control of you, but the reality is you’ve forgotten how much power is within you. You have become so comfortable in the rhythm your pattern has created that you’ve failed to fully maximize your potential. No one you admire got there by staying on cruise control. They made a decision to kick into another gear. They chose to not be confined by excuses when they could take control.
I want to ask you to join me on a journey.
Join me as I begin to tap into another dimension of my identity. At times the journey may challenge you to break out of your comfort zone. It may even force you to walk away from relationships or environments that affirm (but don’t heal) your insecurities. Over the next few weeks/months/years I want to share my process with you. At times it may be identical to yours, other times it may just be a cautionary tale. Either way, I’m here because I want to turn my life into a lesson that helps you master what God has for you.
So.... sit back, relax, put the cookie down, and let’s get ready to be friends again.